Exploding Ketchup

by Heidi Danos

It's a real thing, people! Don't kid yourselves. 

It was a crisp late-afternoon day. The family and I went to a local eating establishment for some much needed stomach fulfillment.

On the table was a typical ketchup bottle. I gingerly placed it in my hand, flipped open the lid and, without hesitation, it erupted like a volcano, spewing thick red muck across the table. And it continued spewing... and spewing. It took me a second to realize what was happening. My daughter's hair was thick with it, it hit the wall, and doused "the hat" (see below) - tragic! Our neighboring diners did a great job of suppressing their guffaws until they left the building.

NOTE: I DID NOT squeeze the ketchup bottle.

It was like a bad science project gone berserk. A quick search on the Google machine revealed that gas build up, as a result of fermentation, is what causes this nasty phenomenon. I mean, unless you're into that kind of thing, being covered in ketchup isn't exactly sexy.

With that... ketchup users beware. And, when opening a bottle of ketchup, always make sure it's pointed at someone else.

 

Life's messy. Stay clean.

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